A woman’s eating habits are debated on the internet: she doesn’t eat much, but she likes to order a wide variety of main dishes and refuses to eat leftovers. However, her husband’s solution also proved controversial: he wants to force her to order from the children’s menu.
The original poster (OP), u/RelationshipFine8592, shared their solution to the problem in a post on the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole. He got over 5,600 upvotes and 2,100 comments for his post, “[Am I the A**hole] for forcing my wife to order the children’s menu or to share a meal with me? »
He says he has no problem with his wife being a small eater, but he objects that she is a “greedy eater”, saying she prefers to eat a small amount of a number of different dishes. He says when she does this at home it’s “boring but manageable”, but going out to restaurants is a “nightmare”.
“She’ll order whatever can give her the most options, regardless of cost. She’ll add sides, appetizers, and [desserts] at her meal, only to eat a bite or two of each thing she orders. Maybe it would be manageable if she ate leftovers, but she refuses to, so all the food ends up wasted,” u/RelationshipFine8592 wrote.
In an attempt to soften the financial blow, he says he ends up having small meals and eating off her plates, but the two have different tastes and he usually doesn’t like what she orders. However, OP finally had enough after a recent meal and decided to fight back.
“I was incredibly annoyed when she ordered herself a full rack of ribs and an appetizer only to eat about 20% of each. I only ordered a salad so I could finish the rest, but I hated the sauces she chose for the ribs and most of the appetizer were untouched,” he wrote.
He told her he was fed up with this scheme because he usually paid over $40 for food she didn’t eat. He gave her an ultimatum: either order two dishes from the children’s menu or get a normal-sized meal that they will both share and enjoy.
Although she apparently thought he was joking, the next time they went out to eat, OP proved he was serious.
“Well last night we went to a wing. As we were sitting down I asked for a kids menu and she was confused. When we started talking and I told her she had to either order the kids menu or share with me she fell silent and refused to talk to me and started saying that I was insulting her and putting her down We ended up walking out to the parking lot and we were fought over before she got home,” he wrote.
He added that things were still cold between them, with her refusing to talk to him. His father also called him to yell at him about the new rule.
Food compatibility can sometimes be a source of problems in relationships, and not only if one partner is a vegetarian and the other is a devoted carnivore. Perhaps one partner is a grazer who likes to eat small amounts of food throughout the day, while the other prefers one or two large meals.
Communication is the most important thing for navigating dietary differences, while also being the key to resolving almost any relationship issue, according to Marriage.com. Couples should talk about their struggles before someone gets fed up and goes wild.
Relationship experts also differ on whether or not a spouse should set rules for their partner. While some say sharing each other’s expectations is a good thing, many oppose establishing formal “rules” because both partners in a relationship should be equal.
Likewise, Reddit was split on the situation, with some taking the OP’s side and others taking his wife’s.
“Wasting food like that is a real pet peeve for me. I go with a [Not the A**hole] here. But I think your execution of your frustration could have been better,” u/Saphira404 wrote in the top rated comment with over 8,700 upvotes.
“[Not the A**hole] I would have taken the leftovers home for her to have the next day and only cooked my own food. Bothering her in private and not in public may work better and won’t make you look like a [a**hole] (even though you warned her),” u/cauliflowers-fluffy suggested. “That’s why it’s a good consequence of her actions! If she doesn’t want leftovers, she either has to cook her own food, which judging by the post is a lot of effort for her, or she orders less food in the future.”
“She’s his wife, not his child. It’s not his place to discipline her,” u/glamourcrow replied.
“Yeah, thanks, that’s the crux of the matter [Everyone Sucks Here judgment] volume. Her habit is super annoying, but the kid’s menu thing and the mandatory leftover punishment are the two things you’d do to a kid under 10,” wrote u/yet_another_sock. “Instead of treating a grown woman like a child, be an adult. The adults make the household budget. If you’re no longer willing to pay for his wasteful habits with your personal or shared money, you can split the checks and each pay for your food with your own money. She can spend her money however she wants and it won’t affect you.”
“Dim sum. Korean BBQ. Any place with a buffet. Hibachi. Lots of options,” u/eresh22 suggested.
“Other than a buffet, they won’t solve the problem of it being deliberately over-ordered, though. I haven’t yet seen a place that serves ribs that only serve full racks, so it’s not just the variety she’s looking for, she also orders excessively large portions. It’s like she needs to feel like she’s getting a huge meal even though she can’t come close to eating one,” explained u/calling_water.
“I knew my first marriage was in big trouble when I started trying to figure out what ‘consequences’ would stop my ex’s behavior, because hurting me wasn’t enough. Then I realized that I didn’t. wasn’t his mom and all the exercise was bulls**t. Although at least he didn’t bring his parents into the argument – further underscores the immaturity of OP’s wife,” u wrote. / Mrs Coach.
“It seems quite paternalistic. They need to communicate. It’s not the husband’s role to foresee consequences for his wife. Nor is it his role to say what she can and cannot command. .He can draw a line and say he’s not dating her, but he can’t raise his wife,” u/Here_use_this wrote.
“All right. OP is bringing up his wife. What she is doing annoys you but it’s not your place to correct her eating. If it bothers you, talk about it. If she continues to do this she does, it really isn’t a hill to die on,” u/Sassysewer added. “Knowing this, choose restaurants that offer small plates with lots of variety [You’re the A**hole].”
Newsweek contacted u/RelationshipFine8592 for comment.